535 

32 

/ 1 



NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 

i5AiinR:5 Edition' 

or PLAY3 



The Cuckoo's Nest 



Price, 25 Cents 



B* m* Pinero's Plays 

Price> 50 Cents €acb 



TlIF A M A 7nNQ I'arce in Three Acts. Seven males, five £e- 
lOEi AlTlnLXiWllO males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not 
difficult. Plays a full evening. 

TUC r'ADIMCT MINICT17D Farce in Four Acts. Ten 
IIU vADlllJCil mllllOlEili males, nine females. Cos 
tnmes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

T^ANFIV niPir Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- 
l/AllLrl JL/1\«IV males. Costumes, liiodern ; scenery, two inte- 
riors. Plays two hours and a half. 

TUr r* AV I nnn niirY comedy in Four Acts. Four males, 
InEi UAl LVilVU VcUIIiA ten females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. 

UIC UrtTTCI? Iltf ADriFD Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males; 
niO nUUOEi IIX \JRUCR. four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

TUC UnnnV UADCI? comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, 
ini:i nV/DDI nVlVOEi aye females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. 

ipic Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
I'lild modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

I XnV UniTWTIlTlTI Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven 
LAI/ 1 DUUi\lirULi females. Costumes, modern; scen- 
ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. 

I FTTY Drama in Four Aptg a{id an Epilogue. Ten males, five 
UliI 1 I females. Costumes,* modern; scenery complicated. 
Plays a full evening. •.•*** 

TUI7 IWfAl^lQTP ATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, 
lIlEt IT Iri ialO 1 1\ A I El four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Walttx ^. pafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



The Cuckoo's Nest 

A Comedy in One Act 



By 
F. RONEY WEIR 



NOTICE 



The professional stage and moving picture rights in this play 
are reserved by the author, and all persons wishing to produce 
it publicly and for profit should apply for permission to the 
author in care of the publishers. Amateurs may produce it 
without permission. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1918 






The Cuckoo's Nest 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Julie Price. 
Mr. Gately Price. 
Mrs. Katherine Tubb. 
Mr. Samuel Tubb. 
Mrs. HfeNRY. 
Mr. Henry. 




Copyright, 191 7, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 
©CI.D 48331 

NOV 14 1917 



The Cuckoo's Nest 



SCENE. — Living-room in the Henry home. Door u. R., 
leading to street; door c, leading to stair hall, kitchen, 
etc. Screen in u. l. corner to conceal person who talks 
for parrot. Directly in front of screen parrot on stand, 
or in cage. Large easy chair c, with hack to parrot, 
one other large chair and four smaller chairs to he used 
at dining-table. Small dining-tahle r. c, window r. 

{At rise of curtain there is a sound of street door being 
unlocked. Enter Julie Price, dressed in neat but 
shabby black dress, wrap about shoidders, no hat. 
She comes down c, looking about admiringly as one 
in a strange house.) 

Parrot {behind the screen, in a loud shrill voice). 
I'm glad to see you ! 

Julie {startled, claps her palms to her cheeks, then 
remembers and laughs). Oh, so you are Mr. Piper, 
whom I am to feed? Oh, Mr. Piper, how you frightened 
me! {Approaches bird.) You'd Hke to "take a pick 
right oudt my finger," as Hilda warned, wouldn't you? 
Well, I sha'n't give you the chance ! Hilda instructed me 
to give you your crackers from the tip of the toasting- 
fork, and your little bucket of water from the hook end 
of an umbrella. {Throws wrap on chair, goes out door 
c, returning immediately with cracker on toasting-fork 
and little bucket of water on hook end of umbrella.) 
Don't you think it a shame, yoii' funny old fellow, that 
you have this lovely room to live in, while I — I live in a 
shack whose door opens upon an alley ! 

Parrot {shrilly). Don't forget your boy ! 

Julie {reaching cracker to bird). Don't forget my 



4 THE cuckoo's nest 

boy? Indeed, there's no danger of me forgetting my 
boy! (Comes down c. with morsel of cracker still stick- 
ing to fork. Puts fork on table.) Poor Gately, tramp- 
ing this cruel city looking for work when by good rights 
he should be sitting at his own desk in his own law office ! 
(Picks up end of curtain absent-mindedly, examines it, 
then gases out with unhappy expression. Brightens 
suddenly. Raps sharply on window and beckons. Runs 
to door R., opens and calls.) Gately! Gately! 

(Exit, R. ; returns immediately with Gately Price.) 

Gately. What in the world are you doing here in the 
Henry house all alone, Julie ? 

Julie. Come on in, Gately! Isn't it lovely? Sit in 
this chair and rest a minute while I explain. 

(Pushes Gately into easy chair with back to parrot. 
Takes his hat to hall, r. ) 

Gately. Thanks, Julie; this is heavenly! It's the 
first rest I've had to-day except for five minutes while I 
perched on the corner of a desk trying to persuade the 
owner of the desk to take me on as a roustabout in a rail- 
road office. 

Julie (perching on arm of chair, smooths husband's 
hair) . You poor tired dear ! Well, let's play this lovely 
home is our own, just for a few moments, you know; 
just while you rest. Mr. and Mrs. Henry are in New 
York, and Hilda, the maid, was left in charge of the 
place. She was called away very suddenly to see her 
dying sister, and she left the house-key with me and 
asked me to come over once a day and feed the bird. We 
got acquainted at the grocer's. 

Gately. You and the bird? 

Julie. No, Hilda and I. 

Gately. We are coming on in the world; I have a 
large acquaintance among grocers who buy rubber gum- 
drops for the school trade, and you — you know Mrs. 
Henry's maid and her canary ! 

Julie. At least we are neighbors of the Henrys ! 

Gately. But the Henrys are not conscious of it. 



THE cuckoo's nest 5 

Julie. Who cares! It sounds well in our letters 
home. In my last one I told Aunt Jane all about Mrs. 
Henry's little party gown of sea-green chiffon, em- 
broidered in silver, as if I had enjoyed the intimate 
pleasure of hooking it up in the back. 

Gately. You'll never make anything by lying, Julie. 
Keep truth on your side and save embarrassment. 

Julie. I didn't lie. Mrs. Henry has a sea-green party 
gown. I saw her wear it one day. She had a white 
aigrette in her hair, and tripped down the walk yonder 
and disappeared into a motor, and — Pff! (Julie imi- 
tates) she was gone, and the dust of her car wheels sifted 
over me as I crossed the street. She looked perfectly 
beautiful. And besides, what I write home to Aunt Jane 
goes to Katherine Sawyer's mother, and then straight on 
to Katherine — Mrs. Tubb ! Do you think I am going to 
let the wealthy Mrs. Tubb know that you couldn't make 
good at the law? Do you think I am going to let her 
feel justified in throwing you over because she was afraid 
you couldn't make a comfortable living for her? 

Gately. She was justified in throwing me over. I 
can't make a living at the law, I tried in Creekville and 
failed, and I've tried out here in the West, and failed 
again ! And now I've lost my job of candy salesman and 
I've tramped all day looking for work. 

Jltlie. Poor old Gately ! 

Gately. Understand, Julie, I'm not finding fault with 
Providence, for, taken by and large, I'm glad I did fail in 
Creekville. If I hadn't, I should have married Katherine 
Sawyer instead of you. It makes me shudder to think 
of it! 

Julie. Yet the day you asked me to marry you you 
said you had nothing to offer me save the shattered 
remains of a broken heart. 

Gately (rising with a gesture of disgust). Can't 
you forget my idiocy, Julie? Come, feed your canary 
and let's get back into our own hut ! Will there be any- 
thing there to eat? I'm half starved ! 

{Goes to table and eats remainder of cracker from end 
of toasting-fork.) 



6 THE cuckoo's nest 

Julie (at window). There's a half loaf of dry bread 

and some cold potatoes (She stops suddenly and 

bows very politely to some one in the street.) A very 
stylishly dressed woman is bowing to me from a taxi. 
Thinks I am Mrs. Henry, evidently. The taxi has 
stopped in front; she's getting out. (With growing 
excitem.ent. ) She's coming up the walk. Good heavens ! 
it is — Katherine Tubb! (Exit, r. Shrill sounds of 
women greeting in the hall r. Enter Julie alone.) It's 
Katherine, Gately ! She's stepped to the door to call her 
husband from the taxi ! She thinks this is our house ! 
They are just passing through the city — only going to 
stay a few minutes. Let them keep on thinking it is our 
house. Oh, don't look that way, Gately, as if some one 
had just fired a pistol in your face! (Pushes him down 
into the easy chair.) Look at home ! Look happy ! 

Enter Katherine Tubb and Mr. Tubb. 

'KATii'ERi'nY. (advancing fo Gately with outstretched 
hands). Oh, Gately! 

Gately (mm^r). Well, well, well ! 

(They shake hands.) 

Katherine. Julie, Gately, this is my husband, Mr. 
Tubb. (Julie and Gately shake hands with Mr. Tubb. 
Gately seats Mr. Tubb c, Katherine r. Julie sits l. ; 
Gately resumes seat with hack to parrot.) We've had a 
horrible time trying to find you ! 

Mr. Tubb. Horrible time ! Horrible time ! 

Katherine. We couldn't find you in the 'phone book, 
nor in the directory, but I remembered mamma said you 
lived on Summit Hill, and I said to Sammy, " Let's hire 
a taxi and drive round Summit Hill, and perhaps we 
may run across either Gately or Julie." And sure 
enough, there I happened to spy Julie standing in her 
window! (Gazes about room.) Say, but you have a 
swell place here, Gately! You must have done well in 
the West. 

Mr. Tube. Fine place ! Fine place ! 

Parrot (screaming) . Don't forget your boy ! 

Gately (springing to his feet). What the- 



THE CUCKOO S NEST 7 

Julie. The bird, Gately! The parrot — Mr. Piper — 
he's angry because you haven't spoken to him I 

Gately (sinking back into his chair). Suffering 
Moses ! what a yell ! 

Mr. Tube (politely). Is that a parrot? 

Katherine. Oh, no, Sammy; that is a memorial 
tablet. 

Mr. Tube. I never liked 'em. Do you like 'em, 
ducky ? 

Katherine (impatiently). I don't know; I never had 
one. 

Mr. Tubb. Do you want one, dear ? 

Katherine. Don't be a fool ! My hat hurts my 
head. (Unpins it and takes it off.) 

Julie. Of course. Let me put it in the hall until 
you are ready to go. [Exit, r., with hat. 

Mr. Tubb. Does your head ache, ducky ? 

Katherine. Oh, shut up ! 

(Julie returns.) 

Mr. Tubb (to Julie as she comes in). Your husband 
is one of her old sweethearts, I understand? 

Julie (pausing to l. of Mr. Tubb and smiling down 
upon him). Yes, indeed! Back in old Creekville where 
we were all so happy and so poor. It's astonishing, isn't 
it, Mr. Tubb, how soon young people forget their first 
loves ? 

Katherine (gazing at Gately). They don't always 
forget! (Sighs heavily.) Gately, you must have a 
tremendous practice ! 

Gately (starting guiltily). Oh — er — why 

Julie (breaking in). Oh, Gately has too much to do. 
He works too hard ! 

(Katherine gazes about the room enviously.) 

' Mr. Tubb. Come, ducky, we better be going pretty 
soon. 

Katherine. Going! Already? We've only just got 
here ! Our train doesn't leave until 

Mr. Tubb. I know, I know, ducky ; but there's that 
little taxi ticker pecking away at my pocketbook. 



THE CUCKOO S NEST 

Katherine. Well, what of it? We're not paupers, 
are we ? 

Mr. TuBB. Oh, no, of course — not yet; but {to 
Gately) we soOn would be if I let her have her way, eh? 
She's an expensive little baggage ! She can knock a hole 
in a twenty-dollar bill the quickest of any chicken I 
ever met ! 

Katherine. We'll stay an hour yet. I haven't half 
my visit out ! 

Gately. Why, certainly ! Certainly ! Stay — er — 
stay to dinner. 

{Glances in a fright at Julie zvho makes gesture of 
despair unseen by her guests. ) 

Katherine. Thank you, Gately, we will. We have 
plenty of time. 

Mr. Tube {jumping tip). If we're going to stay that 
long I'll dismiss the taxi 

Katherine. You'll do nothing of the sort! How 
would we get back to the station ? 

Mr. Tubb {attempting to chuck Katherine under the 
chin). Why, slide right down on the street-car, ducky. 

•Katherine {repelling him; he goes out r. ). I'll not 
go down town on the street-car ! I'll stay with Julie and 
Gately a month first ! 

(Gately and Julie exchange anxious glances. Mr. 
Tubb returns.) 

Parrot. Don't forget your boy ! 

(Gately starts again, hut not so violently as before.) 

Mr. Tubb. Makes you nervous, don't he ? 

Gately {rising and moving easy chair back). Yes; 

when a man's tired out 

Mr. Tube {approaching the bird). As I said before, 

1 don't like 'em. He ain't ugly, is he? 

Gately. No, oh, no ; he'll eat from your hand. 

(Mr. Tube stands between bird and audience. Pokes 
his finger at bird as Julie speaks.) 

Julie {agitated). Oh, don't — don't touch him! 



THE CUCKOO S NEST 9 

(Noise of bird snapping.) 

Mr. Tube (howling, jumping tip and down and clasp- 
ing Jiis forefinger) . He bit me ! Good Lord — he bit me ! 
Look at the chunk he took out o' me ! ( Glares at 
Gately. ) Feed from your hand, huh ? I guess so ! 

Julie (running to Mr. Tvbb), Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. 
Tubb ! Oh, so sorry ! 

(Shows symptoms of bursting into tears. So does Mr. 
Tubb. Katiierine lavighs loudly.) 

Katherine. Serves you right, Sammy; you'd no 
business to stick your finger in the bird's face ! 

Gately. That was the trouble, Mr. Tubb; the old 
heathen couldn't stand your pointing your finger at him. 

Mr. Tubb. Didn't he ever bite you ? 

Gately. Never. Really. 

Mr. Tubb. Well, you point your finger at him and see 
if he don't ! 

Gately. I— I think I'd rather be excused. 

(Katiierine latighs. They gather round Mr. Tubb. 
Door-bell rings.) 

Julie (in great perturbation). Gately, can't you help 
him? Wash the blood away — or — or show him up- 
stairs ! 

Mr. Tube. Yes ! Yes ! Why, this is a horrible gash ! 
I'm liable to have birdrophobia ! (To Katherine.) 
Come along, ducky, and help him with the rag ! 

(Gately leads him toward door c. in a zvavering, 
uncertain manner. ) 

Julie (^o Katherine). Yes! Yes- — you'd better go 
with them. Go right up-stairs. (Fairly pushes them off 
c. Exeunt Gately^ Mr. Tubb, and Katherine. Julie 
runs to window, gases in direction of outside porch.) 
Who can it be? I hope it isn't Hilda come back pre- 
maturely to catch us in this horrible dilemma! (There 
is the grating of a night key in the lock of the front door. 
Julie staggers to middle of stage, clasping her hands to 
her bosom.) No, it is not Hilda. It is — the Henrys! 



10 THE CUCKOO S NEST 

Enter Mrs. Henry in smart traveling costume, followed 
by Mr. Henry carrying traveling bag, wraps, etc. 
They gaze at Julie. The parrot breaks into 
chuckles, heehaws, or sailor catches. Mr. Tube's 
voice of distress is audible from upstairs, as is also 
Katherine's laughter. 

Mr. Henry. We seem to have guests. 

Parrot. You're a wise old guy ! 

Mr. Henry. Be still, Mr. Piper ! 

Mrs. Henry. Where is Hilda ? 

Julie (going to door c. and closing it with a tragic 
air, comes down c. and faces Mrs. Henry). I am the 
woman who lives in the alley beyond your neighbor's 
house over yonder. 

Mrs. Henry (coldly). Oh! 

Mr. Henry. Um-mm ! 

Julie. I have let pride — and — a desire for revenge 
get me into a dreadful position — I — I'm — glad to have 

this chance to — to tell you everything — and to — to 

(Suddenly breaks down.) Oh, I don't care what you 
do with me, but spare my poor husband ! He's up- stairs 
doing up Mr. Tubb's finger — Mr, Piper, you know 

Mr. Henry. Oh, yes. 

Julie. Those Tubb people knew us back home — back 
East where we came from. She — Katherine — Mrs. 
Tubb — was engaged to my Gately before I was. She 
threw him over because he didn't pass the bar examina- 
tion, and she was afraid that he — would always be poor. 
I — I — wanted to show her how mistaken she had been. 

Mr. Henry. I see. 

Mrs. Henry (relaxing a good deal). And so you 
murdered Hilda and stowed her body under the coal in 
the basement and took possession of the house? 

Julie. No, Hilda's sister was sick and sent for her, 
and Hilda asked me to take care of Mr. Piper. I wasn't 
obliged to stow her under the coal. Katherine and her 
Mr. Tubb happened to be driving by in a taxi looking for 
.Gately and me. Katherine caught sight of me in the 
.window. She took it for granted this was our house. 
Oh, I was tempted! Put yourself in my place! Poor 



THE CUCKOO S NEST II 

Gately out tramping this wicked city looking for work — 
I in a house the door of which lets on an alley! Kath- 
erine with her Tubb and her taxi — and only for a call, 
she said at first, but now she has her hat off. And 
Gately made a blunder and asked them to stay to dinner. 

(Throws herself down in a chair by the table and sobs 
with her face buried in her arms upon the table.) 

Mrs. Henry {in pantomime says to her husband). 
" Poor thing ! " 

Mr. Henry. What is your husband's business ? 

Julie {rising). My husband is a lawyer, but — he 
hasn't succeeded in getting started yet, and — he's tried 
candy and — and — oh, he's willing to do anything — any- 
thing to make an honest living. 

Mr. Henry. You say he is up-stairs with our — your — 
the guests? 

Julie. Yes, and if you will kindly get him down we 
will slip out of the back door and get away. You can 
explain to the Tubbs that we are house-breakers. I'd 
much rather they told back home that Gately and I had 
gone wrong than that we are starving to death in a shack 
with the door on the alley. 

Mrs. Henry {taking off coat and hat and throwing 
them on dining-table, comes down c. between Julie and 
Mr. Henry). What's your bust measure? 

Julie. Thirty-six. 

Mrs. Henry. I thought so. You must dress for 
dinner. Slip up-stairs, and I'll be with you in a moment. 
Come, Luther, we haven't a moment to lose. We must 
help these young people out of their difficulty. {She 
throws an arm, across her husband's shoulder coaxingly.) 
You'll make a perfectly swagger butler, Luther. {To 
Julie.) What sort of a man is your Gately? Will my 
husband's clothes fit him ? 

Julie. Oh, no — oh, no ; Gately's a head taller, and his 
shoulders 

Mrs. Henry. Pshaw ! What's the use of such an 
out-size husband ! Well, we'll do the best we can 

Julie. Gately has on his best suit. I think when he 
is rested and brushed up 



12 THE CUCKOO S NEST 

Mrs. Henry. Of course he will. But now that we 
have started in to astonish the Tubbs we must finish it up 
to a frazzle. If you will loan me your little black dress 
I will borrow one of Hilda's caps and an apron, and 
while we dress you, Luther, must order dinner from 
town. Hookey's will be the best place, I think. 
Hurry! — I hear them coming. We'll dodge into the 
library until they get safely out of the way, and then 
we'll slip up-stairs. 

Julie. But — suppose Katherine should take it into 
her head to stay a month ? 

Mrs. Henry. We shall have to take chances on that. 

Mr. Henry. In that case you will be obliged to dis- 
charge your butler ! 

Mrs. Henry. They are coming ! 

(Snatches hat and coat. Mr. Henry clutches hand- 
bag and they scuttle out c, turning to l. Enter 
Gately, Katherine and Mr. Tube, c.> Mr. Tube's 
finger bandaged conspicuously. He holds it stiffly 
erect.) 

Mr. Tube. If I were in your place, Price, I'd get rid 
of that parrot ! It isn't safe to have such a thing around ! 
(Gately brings easy chair down 'b.. and seats Mr. Tube 
in it facing audience. Katherine seats herself well up 
L., motioning Gately to sit beside her. He sits at her l. 
Mr. Tube looks at watch.) What time do you dine? 
We must catch that overland train. 

(Settles into chair and almost immediately falls asleep.) 

Gately (uneasily). I wonder where Julie has gone! 

Katherine. Never mind Julie; let us talk of old 
times. (Mr. Tube snores.) Gately, do you know the 
tragedy of an empty heart? 

Gately. No, but I know the tragedy of an empty 
stomach ! What in the world has become of Julie? 

Katherine. Have you forgotten that last evening we 
spent together, away back there in those happy days? 
Can't you remember that walk home from choir practice ? 

Gately. Yes, my goodness, yes ! I remember I had 
" Anthems of Praise " under one arm, a bag of bananas 



THE CUCKOO S NEST ' I3 

and the hymnal under the other. We stood there beside 
your mother's front steps while you gave me what I 
thought then was a knock-out blow. You told me your 
aunt, who lived in Milwaukee, thought it a shame for a 
pretty girl like you to marry a boob in a country town 
for love, when you might do better. You said she had 
offered to give you a shy at riches if you would go to 
her, and that you were going. Then I handed over the 
" Anthems of Praise," the hymnal, and the bananas, took 
my ring, and went home. 

Katherine. It was a terrible mistake ! 

Gately. No, no, Katherine ; it turned out for the best 
all the way round. I have Julie, and you have Mr. Tubb 
and wealth. 

Katherine. Mr. Tubb! {Disdainfully.) 

Gately {with a frightened glance toward the dozing 
Mr. Tubb). Sch-h-h-h! He'll hear you! (Mr. Tubb 
snores.) He is wealthy, isn't he? 

Katherine {in a hissing whisper). But stingy! I 
just have to wring the money out of him ! 

Gately. Hum-m-m ! He's the tub and you're the 
wringer ! I wonder where Julie can be ? 

KIA.THERINE. And, Gately, Julie was not the wife for 
you ! A man in your position needs a wife with some 
style. 

Gately. Oh, you're mistaken there, Katherine; Julie 
is just the wife for me! Dear little Julie! I couldn't 
live without Julie ! She hasn't a bit of what you call 

style, of course {Enter Julie exquisitely gowned. 

Gately rises in amazement.) Julie! 

Julie. I'm afraid you're dreadfully hungry. 

Mr. Tubb {wakening with a snort, draws out watch). 
Lord, yes! {Rises.) When do you have dinner? We 
must catch that train. 

Julie {crossing to Mr. Tubb, r. ). Some of our rooms 
are undergoing repairs and it has caused a little con- 
fusion in the culinary regions. 

Enter Mr. Henry as butler. 

Gately {rising nervously, bows politely to Mr. 
Henry). Ah — er — how do you do? 



14 THE cuckoo's nest 

Mr. Henry. Shall I serve dinner here, or in the 
breakfast room, sir? 

Gately. Oh ! Ha, ha ! Yes — certainly ! I — thought 
you were — some one else. Serve dinner? Oh— any- 
where, anywhere, only — serve it soon !. 

Julie. You may lay the cloth here, Andrews. 

(Mr. Henry bows and retires.) 

Katherine. a butler! Julie Price, do you mean to 
say you keep a butlerf 

Julie. Just a man and one maid. 

Katherine. You hear, Sam? And you thought me 
extravagant because I insisted upon having a second girl ! 

Enter Mrs. Henry as maid. She and Mr. Henry move 

,; table down stage a little way and proceed to serve 

dinner. Business of Gately being bewildered but 

trying to hide it from his guests. Mr. Tube seems 

to be fascinated by the maid. 

Mr. Tube {during short absence of Mr. and Mrs. 
Henry) . Say, Price, you have some mighty nifty people 
around you ! That's what I call some hired girl ! You 
are certainly pretty well fixed in this raw western 
country. 

Gately. Raw, but comfortable — quite comfortable — 
for young people just starting, you know. 

Enter Mr. Henry with large covered dish. 

Mr. Henry. Dinner is served, sir. 

Katherine. Before we begin dinner I wish you 
would 'phone for a taxi, Sam. You were in such a hurry 
to discharge the other one ! 

Mr. Tube {seating himself to r. of table and tucking 
his napkin over his collar). Oh, hang the taxi! Let's 
eat! 

Katherine {standing c). Where is your 'phone, 
Gately? I'll call a taxi myself. (Maid in doorway c. 
covertly signaling Butler. Mr. Tube thinks her flirting 
with him, wafts her a stealthy kiss. Butler goes up c. ; 
she gives him a card. He goes out. Maid serves 
Gately, who sits at table facing audience, and Mr. 



THE CUCKOO S NEST I5 

TuBB. ) I will not go at all unless you get a taxi ! I'll 
stay with Gately and Julie ! 

(Gately and Julie convey their mutual anxiety to 
each other. Enter Butler with card on tray which 
he presents to Gately.) 

Gately {taking card; nervously). What's this for? 
(Reads card. Relieved, slips card in pocket.) What's 
this, Katherine, about 'phoning for a taxi ? Why not let 
me send you to the station in our own car? (To But- 
ler.) Just tell the chauffeur to bring the car round at 
once. 

(Exit Butler. Katherine sits at l. of table, Julie 
with back to audience.) 

Mr. Tube (eating). You keep a car of your own, do 
you, Price? What make is your machine? 

Katherine. Think of it, Sam ! And you argue and 
argue about calling a taxi ! 

Gately (eating ravenously) . My machine is a — er — 
my machine is not exactly a new one — it's a 

Enter Butler. 

Mr. Henry. The chauffeur is on the wire, sir. He 
wishes to know if you want the run-about or the big 
car — the Leaver? 

Mr. Tube (explosively). Huh — huhh ! Leaver? I 
supposed the Leaver was the very latest word in auto- 
mobiles ! 

Gately. Oh — well — yes; In a way, but I am very 
particular in the matter of my — er — ha ! — automobiles. 

(The Maid is at Mr. Tube's l. with a plate of some- 
thing when the door-bell rings in a loud and startling 
manner. She starts violently, telescoping Mr. 
Tube's wounded finger with the plate.) 

Mr. Tube. Ouch! (Gately and Jvi.i'e half rise from 
the table in evident alarm.) What's the matter? A fire? 

Exit Butler, r. 

Katherine (eating calmly). How nervous you are, 



l6 THE cuckoo's nest 

Gately, I don't remember that you used to be so back in 
Creekville. You must be working too hard. 

{High piping voice of messenger hoy in hall: " Tele- 
gram. Two hits for messenger fee.") 

Mr. Tube. Telegram ? By George, I wonder if that's 
for nie ! 

{Jumps up and starts for door r. with napkin swing- 
ing. ) 

Katherine {impatiently) . How could it be for you? 
Nobody knows where you are ! 

Mr. Tube {returning). That's so, ducky; you're as 
sharp as a little tack, ain't you ? 

Enter Butler looking very much worried. 

Gately. What was it, a telegram? 
Mr. Henry. Yes, sir, but not for you. The messenger 
seemed a little confused. It was for a Mr. Henry. 

{He heckons Maid, who crosses him in c. as he returns 
to his duties at the table. He gives her telegram 
unseen hy the others. Maid reads telegram and 
shows great agitation. Returns to tahle, slips tele- 
gram to ]\jLiE, standing at l. of Katherine while 
Julie reads. Julie on her part shovjs agitation.) 

Mr. Tube {looking at watch). Chuck your pudding, 
ducky ; we must skip if we are to catch our train ! 

Julie {springing up immediately) . Oh, must you go ? 

{Auto horn sounds without.) 

Mr. Henry. Car waiting, sir. 

Katherine {still at table). I don't care if we do lose 
the train ; there'll be another some time. 

Mr. Tube. But these tickets won't be good on any 
other ! Come along, I say ! 

(Butler runs in with Mr. Tube's hat. Katherine 
rises leisurely. Julie passes telegram to Gately, 
who, during confusion, com,es down l. and reads it 
on the side. Agitated. Business.) 

Katherine. Must we really go, Sammy? 

Mr. Tube. Why certainly, ducky! (Maid runs in 



THE CUCKOO S NEST 



17 



with Katherine's coat and hat.) I don't propose to 
present the railroad company with the price of two first- 
class tickets — not if I know myself ! Hurry up ! 

(Maid and Julie hurriedly bundle Katherine into her 
things. Auto horn so%inds again.) 

Katherine. What shall I tell Aunt Jane for you? 

Julie. Give her my love and — {handing Katherine 
her muff) and 

Katherine. If we're too late for the train we'll come 
back. 

Julie. Of course. 

{Follows guests to door r. All say " Good-bye, come 
again, you must come and see us," etc. All go oiit 
save Mr. and Mrs. Henry.) 

Mr. Henry {running to window r. and throwing it 
open). Speed her up, James! Speed her up! Must 
catch a train ! t 

Mrs. Henry {frantically, over husband's shoidder). 
Speed her, James ! Speed her ! 

{They draw in their heads as Gately and Julie 
reenter from, outer hall. Auto horn honks shrilly.) 

Mr. Henry. That will be a wild ride! {Solemnly.) 

Julie. Thank heaven, they're off ! That was a nar- 
row escape ! 

Mrs. Henry. Narrow indeed ! {Picks up telegram 
from floor at extreme l., where Gately had dropped it 
after reading, and reads it aloud. ) " Luther : — Your 
Aunt Caroline and the girls arrive at your house Tuesday 
about seven o'clock. Uncle Fred." 

Mr. Henry {constdting watch). They're due now 
any minute ! 

Mrs. Henry. It's a case of speed the parting, wel- 
come the coming guests ! 

Julie. Oh, what if the Tubbs should miss the train 
and come back? 

Gately {to Mr. Henry). You would have to send 
your Aunt Caroline to meet them at the door and tell 
them that we had moved ! 



1 8 THE cuckoo's NEST 

Mr. Henry. They would be apt to think that wa§ 
sharp work in the Hne of moving. But they won't be 
back; they'll make that train, James recognized the 
anxiety in my voice, I think. 

Gately. They may not come back to-night, but 
they'll come next summer and bring all Creekville with 
them ! Then what's the answer ? 

Mr. Henry (impressively) . Why this: Before Creek- 
ville has time to get here you must make good ! 

Gately. But I am down and out! I can't get even 
a toehold ! 

Mr. Henry. Pshaw ! Brace up ! I don't know how 
much of a lawyer you are, but somehow I have received 
•the impression that you are honest ! I'm going to take 
you into the office. You may begin by making collections 
and attending to the overflow of business. Later — per- 
haps — but we'll let that rest for the present. 

Gately (clasping Mr. Henry's hand fervently). 
How can I thank you, sir? I've tramped all day trying 
to convince the public of my honesty ! I didn't go at it 
right, I see. The way to convince a man that you are 
honest is to steal his house and lot ! 

(Exeunt Mr. Henry and Gately with hands Mill 
clasped. ) 

Julie. There is only one way in which I can give a 
practical demonstration of my gratitude to you, Mrs. 
Henry, and that is, until Hilda returns, to be your 
servant, even as you have been mine! Come, let's run 
and change dresses and then I'll clear away. 

Mrs. Henry. You dear little thing! 

(They dance off holding hands.) 
Parrot (screaming). Don't forget your boy ! 



CURTAIN 



COLLEGE DAYS 

A College Comedy in Three Acts 
By George M. Rosener 

Ten males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors 
and an exterior. Plays two hours. Quincy Jordan, the son of a tyrannical 
farmer, wins a scholarship offered by a prominent newspaper and throws 
off the paternal yoke. At Westward College, which he has chosen be- 
cause the girl he loves is there, he is at first disadvantaged by his circum- 
stances, but he soon makes good both with head and fists and not cnly 
defeats the plot for his downfall that his rivals lay for him, but comes out 
a victor in college, wins the girl he loves, and carries all before hi»i, A 
fine piece with many fine parts ; strongly recommended. Lots of come Jy. 
Professional rights reserved. 

Price, 25 cents 
CHARACTERS 
Quincy Jordan, a farmer, 
Quincy, Jr., his son. 
Squire Drake, a rich farmer, 
Jerome, his son. 
Uncle Hkz, a town character. 
Poor House Onnie, another, 
Paul Prye, the bully. 
Professor Rex, a teacher. 
Hal Dexter, a student. 
Harry C. Graham, a politician, 
Jim Brady, a reporter. 
Jersey, Quincy Jordan s wife. 
Violet, Squire Drake" s daughter. 
Aunt Sally, a town character. 
Any number of students. 
SYNOPSIS 
Act I. — Exterior of Quincy Jordan's farm, near the summer 
school of Westward College. 

Act II. — Exterior of Westward College. The home of Professor 
Rex. 
Act III. — Quincy, Jr.'s, law office out West four years later. 

THE COLLEGE POLITICIAN 

A College Farce Comedy in Three Acts 
By H. W. Weis and D. T. Howard 
Sixteen males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, three inte- 
riors. Plays two hours. Ted Kingsley, an outsider, applies the political 
methods of the outside world to the problem of winning the election for 
football manager in his college and, after an exciting campaign in which 
he shows great ability in this line and sets the college on end, he wins the 
office and the sister of his rival at one blow. An exciting play, with tha 
true college atmosphere. Lots of good parts; not difficult ; well recom' 
mended. Price, ij cents 



New Plays for Girls' Schools 

By Elsie Fogerty and others 

The following adaptations from standard plays, classical and modern, 
have been specially arranged for amateur performance in girls' schools. 
The text is accompanied in all cases by all necessary plates and diagrams, 
and by full and minute marginal notes and instructions for production. A 
copious introduction gives a full description of the stage, the lighting, the 
costumes, properties, both stage and hand, and answers in advance all 
possible questions that may come up in the process of rehearsal. In all 
respects they are the most complete and helpful versions of plays ever 
offered for acting. 



The Alkestis of Euripides Tlie Antigone of Sophocles 

Adapted by Elsie Fogerty Adapted by Elsie Fogerty 

Nine characters and chorus. Eleven characters and chorus. 

Plays an hour and a half. Plays two hours. 

Price, 2j cents Price, zj cents 



Scenes Prom the Great Novelists 

Adapted by Elsie Fogerty 

Scenes from The Abbott, by Scott. "The Changing of the Keys," 

Seven characters — plays forty minutes. 
Scene from The Mill on the Floss, by George Eliot. " Mrs. 

Pullet's New Bonnet." Five characters — plays twenty minutes. 
Scene from Adam Bede, by George Eliot. " Mrs. Poyser has her 

Say." Five characters — plays twenty-five minutes. 

Scene from A Christmas Carol, by Dickens. " The Cratchits' 

Christmas Dinner." Eight characters — plays forty minutes. 

Price, 2J cents 

The Masque of Comus The Enterprise of the Mayflower 

By Milton. Adapted by Lucy Chater In Four Acts, by Amice Macdonell 

Nine characters and chorus. Plays For Children. Fourteen characters. 

forty minutes ; with music. Plays an hour an a half. 

Price, 2S cents Price, 2£ cents 



Sent post-paid by mail on receipt of price 

BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. 



THE FARMERETTE 

A Play in Three Acts 
By Evelyn Gray Whiting 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior. Plays two 
hours. Nan Wellington lluows up a good job in the city wlien her 
mother dies, and comes back to the old homestead to save it to the family. 
Her plucky figlit as a " farmerette " against inexperience, nature, and 
human villainy and greed provides a play of unusual interest for all girls. 
Recommended, 

Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Jane Wellington, sixteeii and still " unkissed." 

JocELYN Wellington, foicrtcen or fifteen years old, the little 
Bugologist 

Elnora Wellington, a girl of nineteen or twenty; a born home- 
maker. 

Mrs. Beckwith, a woman of sixty or seventy ; an unfriendly neigh- 
bor. 

Nan Wellington, a dainty blonde of twenty-two ; the Farmerette. 

MiNNETTE Wellington Lawson, older than Nan and in good 
contrast; an admirer of soulful eyes. 

Gracious Ann Bean, a stout, middle-aged colored " pusson " ; a 
believer in " Calicothenics." 



SIX TIMES NINE 

A Comedy in Two Acts 

By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 

Eleven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior and an ex- 
tenor. Plays one and a half hours. A party of American girls and their 
chaperon traveling abroad encounter the Princess Vara of Wollenholde in 
her summer home vi^ithout recognizing hei, and in her company bear 
themselves with credit in some warlike incidents of her reign. Very ex 
citing and full of charm. Well recommended. 
Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Princess Vara of Wollenholde. 

Countess Alexis, her aunt. 

Countess Yvonne, her cousin. 

Freda, her maid. 

LuRiNE Raje. 

Mrs. Avery Hamilton Hapgood, of Concord, Mccss., U. S. A, 

Winifred Tufton ] 

Lucy Simpson I Pupils in Mrs. Hap- 

Molly Andrews j good' s Seminary. 

Amelia Lee J 

Delia, Mrs, Hapgood s maid. 



JOINT OWNERS IN SPAIN 

A Comedy in One Act 

By Alice Brown 

Four female characters. Costumes, modern; scenery, a single easy in- 

terior. Plays twenty ^inutes. A very humorous sketch of high literary 

quality by a well and widely known author ; an almost guaranteed success 

in performance. Has been produced at The Bijou Dream, Boston, and at 

The Little Theatre, Chicago, and can be recommended without reserve. 

Its story is told of three old inmates of an Old Ladies' Home, and grows 

out of the clash of their elderly eccentrici ties. Royalty, ^5 .00 a performance. 

Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 
Mrs. Mitchell, a Director ofihe Old Ladies Home, 

Mrs. FULLERTON 1 

Miss Dyer >• Inmates of the Home. 

Mrs. Blair j 

THE CHRISTENING ROBE 

A Comedy in One Act 
By Anne L. Estabrook 
One male, three female characters. Scenery, an easy interior; cos- 
tumes, modern. Plays thirty-five minutes. A humorous and entertain- 
ing piece for four Irish characters in the style of the well-known plays of 
Lady Gregory ; a seriously intended picture of Irish character, not a 
travesty of it. Nora Mulvey lends the robe that her husband's sister, 
Sarah, has given her for her baby's christening, to Mrs. Leahy, and her 
husband, Barty, has pawned it for drink; upon this basis is cleverly built 
a little domestic comedy full of humor, pathos and character. Strongly 
recommended. Performance free. 

Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 
Nora Mulvey. Mrs. Ryan, Noras mother. 

Patrick Mulvey, Nora's S\rakMvlvey, Patrick's sister, 

husband. 

AMERICA PASSES BY 

A Play in One Act 
By Kenneth Andrews 
Two male, two female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, ah 
easy interior. Plays thirty minutes. Originally produced by the Harvard 
Dramatic Club, April 12, 19 16, with success. A comedy of high class 
that can be strongly recommended. The story of a little love affair 
that flourished in the romantic atmosphere of Japan, but that^ trans- 
planted to prosaic Chicago, withers and dies. Good character drawing 
and strong dramatic interest. Royalty, ^5.00 a performance. 
Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 
A Young Man. His Fiancee. 

A Young Husband. His Wife. 



' A COLLEGE MAN 
A Comedy in Four Acts 
By Earl Reed Silvers 
Six males, three females. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. 
Plays an hour and a half. Budd Stone, going through college on money 
supplied at a great sacrifice by his father, has won, in the character of a 
rich student, tiie regard of Zelda Saunders. When lie is asked to give 
back the unused balance of this fund to help his devoted father pay the 
mortgage on the farm, he refuses rather than lose his degree and possibly 
his girl. The father, attempting to recover the money despite the son's 
refusal, is taken for a thief, and matters thus come to a climax. All ends 
well. Very interesting and recommended for college performance. 
Frice, 2j cents 

CHARACTERS 
Bill Rendall, Sophomore, Mr. Stone, Budd's dad. 

Peanut Jones, Freshman. Geraldine Harris, aristocrat, 

Budd Stone, Junior. Zelda Saunders, the girl. 

Ted Willis, Setiior. Mrs. Brownley, chaperon. 

Professor "Johnny " Miller. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. A fraternity study. Early afternoon. 
Act II. Evening of the same day. 
Act III. Two-thirty the next morning. 
Act IV. Nine o'clock of the same morning. 



PATRIOTIC SCENES OLD AND NEW 

A Platform Entertainment 
By Elvie Kimball Macoy 
Five males, twenty-four females. Scenery, unimportant ; costumes, 
fancy. Plays twenty minutes at most. Introducing Columbia, Uncle 
Sam, Spirit of '76, Betsy Ross, Liberty, Barbara Frietchie arid other pa- 
triotic figures in a series of tableaux accompanied by readings in verse. 
Very timely and easy to produce. 

Price, i£ cents 



THE REVEL OF THE YEAR 

An Entertaininent in One Act 
By Jessie A. Kclley 
Twenty-two characters, more or less, male and female. Scenery un- 
necessary; costumes, fancy. Plays forty-five minutes. An entertainment 
of the twelve months intended to be used in connection with a sale 01 
fair. Very picturesque and easy to get up. 
Price, ij cents 



THE CHUZ2LEWITS 

Or, TOM PINCH 

A Dramatization in Five Acts by F. E. Fowle of Charles 
Dickens' novel " Martin Chuzzlevvit " 

Fifteen males, six females. Costumes of the period ; scenery, four in 
teriors and one exterior. Plays a full evening. This version expands the 
story of Tom Pinch, already made popular in the comedy of that name, 
by the addition of the highly dramatic proceedings of the Chuzzjewit 
family, and thus provides a much stronger and more representative play. 
Ail the familiar characters of the novel appear and offer a great variety 
of exceptionally strong parts. Strongly recommended for schools. 
Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Mr. Seth Pecksniff, ar^/^z/^,?/. Lewsome. 

Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit. Mr. Nadgett, 

Mr. Jonas Chuzzlewit, his Mr. Moddle. 

son. Two Police Officers. 

Old Martin Chuzzlewit. Mary Graham. 

Martin Chuzzlewit, his Mercy Pecksniff. 

grandson. Charity Pecksniff. 

Tom Pinch. Sarah Gamp. 

Mr. Montague Tigg. Bktsy V\ug, a frierid of Sarah's. 

Old Chuffey. Jane, Pecksniff's servant. 

Bailey. Maid. 
Mr. Mould. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I — Parlor at Mr. Pecksniff's. Wiltshire. 
Act II. — Room in house of Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit. London. 
Act III. — Scejie i : Garden at Mr. Pecksniff's. 

Scene 2 : Room in an Inn at Holborn. 
Act IV. — Scene i: Apartment at Montague Tigg's. London. 

Scene 2 : At Anthony Chuzzlewit's — same as Act II. 
Act V. — The same as previous scene. 



ONE ON DICK 

A Comedy in Two Acts 
Bj Gladys Ruth Bridgham 
Six females. Costumes, modern ; sceneryj one easy interior. Plays 
one hour. Free of royalty. Just as the girls are trying on their costumes 
for amateur theatricals in the absence of their parents, who disapprove of 
such things. Aunt Elizabeth unexpectedly arrives on a visit, and simply 
has to be kept in the dark. Her confusion over the strange crowd into 
which she is plunged, and Evelyn's frantic search for some indiscreet 
letters that happen to be on the premises,, afford a very amusing and ex- 
citing hour. Colored ccmiedy character. Recommended. 
Price, 2^ cents 



Jl* m* Pinero's Plays 

Price* SO 0etit$ €acb 



Min THANNFI Play "» I'ovir Acts. Sir males, five females. 
»'»l*'"^****i'*'"" Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH ^,tr%Tt 

males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

THF PRflFIir'ATF Playin Tour Acts. Seven males, five 
*»*" 1 IVV/rijlUrt. 1 El females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

Till? Criinni MICTDFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
lXli:i OVnV/V/LilTllO 1 IVEiUiJ seven females. Costumes, mod- 
ern; scenery, three Interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY IJgT'^a^s.^S^^e 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a 
full evening. 

QWPFT f AVFlSinFR Comedyin Three Acts. Seven males, 
iJfi Ltd I Li/\ V CiIII/IjIV four females. Scene, a single interior, 
coistumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF THTTlSinFRRni T comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, 
**lEi inUlll/£iI\.DV/Lil nine females. Scenery, three interi- 
ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIMFQ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
lUCi lllTlEiu Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays 
a full evening. 

THF WFAIfFR QFY Comedyin Three Acts. Eight males, 
IrlEi VY £i/\IV.EiIV DCiA. eight females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE ^^etl^^j^^AlrAZ: 

Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Walttt Jl. pafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




017 401 628 



Ci)e 5^1 lltam Wwcxm €Ution 
of ^laps 



A^ Vflll I IFF IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
AS IvV Lfllvlv II females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

PA Mil IF I*rama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
VAnilL«L<I< tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INAOMAR Pl3.y in Five Acts. Thirteen 'males, three females. 
inUvulAA Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

ItlAW ^TITADT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
ITIAIXI i3 lUAni males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE SX'lhS^mtiLl- rol^ris'! 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

DimFI IFII ^^*y ™ Kve Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
IXlVllIiiMLil' ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening. 

THF BIVAIS Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, live females. 
IIIC I1ItHL«i3 Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a 
full evening. 

SUE MuUlO lU I/UN^Ueu males, four females. Scenery va- 
ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL ^^""^^-^ *" ^^""^ 



three females. 
full evening. 



Acts. Ten males, 
Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

l^alter 1^. Bafeer s, Compani? 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 

9. J. PARKHILk * CO.. PRINTUtS, BOSTOM, U.S.*. 



